divine intervention #3

Read: About relationships and dating
I read through this long, long passage a couple o times and came to a conclusion.

I don't love him. Not in any way except as bf #3 (old habit o loving what/who I've chosen). I don't want to spend d rest o my life w him, I can't think o a way I am attracted to him, and I am not concerned over his well-being any more than I do to a good friend.

But what about d msg? Read: Dating Catholics
I'm sure I could b wrong, but if d bible is so strongly against missionary dating, can I draw d conclusion that God didn't tell me to do it (date non-Christian in hopes o converting him)?

I will continue to pray for guidance. In d meantime, b assured that I will not do anything drastic.

divine intervention #2

I'm not a very spiritual person. Praying is more o a habit than a real dialouge w THE Supreme Being. I believe in but don't always practice complete faith in letting God rule my life. I've never actually "heard" an answer to my prayers, it just makes things look better if I prayed.

This is a first.

In d two days since I "heard", I've asked around (and seen some comments fr my friends), and all o them, even my Christian friends, have asked me to think it through. The Devil can sound exactly like God, says Christian friend #1.

I'm still in a confused state. Partly because I kinda know, deep down, that this is what I would've wanted to do. When I broke up w him, it's not that I wanted to leave him, but to take a step back and check if that relationship is what I want. So hearing an "order" to reconcile w d ex might b a figment o my subconscious.

But what if it's not? This is what bothers me d most. It being d first time I had this kind o experience, naturally I want to show God that I am willing to obey Him.

I guess I'm not ready for this kind o faith. I don't want to b tested on my faith and decisions! If it weren't for this episode, I wouldn't have entertained thoughts o reconcilation, even if I've thought o it. Really I won't. Becuz sarah does not like to regret decisions...

Read: Hearing God

The Bible says that dating a non-Christian is wrong, becuz he/she might lead me away fr d Christian life. Guess what, I've a shrewd guess that d "unfinished business" is something to do w me leading my ex to a Christian life. Cuz (when we were together) I've been praying that he'd believe in what I believe in. So convinient huh?

Blah. Utterly lost. Hoping for more divine intervention? Cuz this is just too out o my depth.

divine intervention... or not?

a note on studies. i just realized that my CGPA is way too low to b o any use to me in d future... esp if i wnna take Masters in d future. *work hard work hard*

Last night, i was asked by 4 different friends, whether i was ok? That's not a normal question, is it? Ppl ask if you'r hungry, sleepy, healthy, etc, but not if you'r ok. Unless i banged my head or sneezed 10 times in a row. Which i didnt. It wasnt even one o my emo nights. I was perfectly sane and contented. But i couldnt answer them. I didnt say, yes i'm ok, or of cuz im ok! I just fielded their questions.

Surprisingly i had a sudden urge to cry when i heard that question. And when i went to bed (finally! at 330am), i just started crying. It doesnt hurt bad, it's just sad.

I did what Ying2, Mic and all my LnL friends would tell me to do in any situation. I prayed to whoever's Up There, b it Jesus, God or Mother Mary. Or any Saints. And i got an answer! Or rather, this idea that came out o nowhere and stopped my tears when i think o it. But it's so impossible! And totally not something i would do. Couldnt help but to ask Him if he was actually serious?!?!

I am to reconcile w my "ex". As in, reverse d break up. Go back to being an item.
Apparently there are some unfinished business there that d Big Guy wants me to do.

oh, God.