mutterings

In the middle o my Btech 2 resubmission, I felt so upset o w the world that I could've screamed. For things that should and should not have been in my control.



Control, what is control? Is anything ever in our hands?



At 12.30am, Dear called from home after his company's annual dinner and a conversation between a tipsy and a sleepy ensued.




I am so tired. My life in Limbo.





God, please.

what good is it

... to yell and shout and grumble?

Dear Significant Other,
Our Children shall never be greeted first thing when we return fr work w "Why didn't you do this? and that?". They shall be taught to assume responsibilities fr a young age, including the younger and the youngest. They shall be praised for their achievements and gently reminded for their shortcomings. Breakfast is sacred, no bad things shall be allowed to interrupt it.



I woke up real hungry on a Saturday morning. There was no food in the house so I made some scones for the family. Mom and Dad returned fr the market. I was greeted w, "Why didn't you sweep up the mess your dog made on the porch?", and then "your room is so untidy, yada-yada, blah blah blah, etc". I rushed to clean up the mess and tidy my room. Dad woke Sis up to eat the food they bought fr the market w no mention o chores, untidy room, unfolded blanket. Sis asked why my scones got burnt in the oven. I am upset. I am now hiding in my room to do work instead o spending time w my family.







Just because they are my elders doesn't mean they are always right.
Just because they are younger doesn't mean they don't have responsibilities.


Then again, I had my fun Friday. I guess I'm to be content.
God says be patient. And let others trample over me? I guess so.

pain

It's been days and yes I've seen the doctor who gave me an okay, told me there's nothing wrong w me except some stress. "Stress-induced migraine" and "must drink more water and rest more".
Yet I spent the past two nights on my living room sofa, waking up at 6am to crawl back to my bed, under orders not to sleep in the AC room I shared w sis.

My thanks to Tham2 and Bunny who took me out to lunch, then accompanied me to the clinic and pharmacy, becuz Dear wasn't free and I didn't want the family to find out.
 

Bless me Lord, and bid this dretful headache and nausea leave me.






Funny really, how much I enjoy baking. Even while seeing stars I'm glad to have mix butter and sugar and cocoa powder. Must b the sweet tooth.
Off to bake now.

Still not satisfied

Saying this just days after telling the Dear to always be satisfied w what he has, is just alil unfair. Still.

Mom stopped me from going out for lunch w my uni friends earlier today. I found it mean, as I've done my chores in the morning and will not be spending too much time/money. It was just lunch. Her excuse was that I have more chores to do. Dafuq?
So in defiance I spent my afternoon in bed w a book and a facial mask.


My life is good, seriously. I get to sleep, eat, exercise, read, cross-stitch, paint my nails and write. I've made a list o to-dos and am regularly striking things off fr it.
My only complaint is this,
I am grounded not becuz I wrecked a part o my mom's car, but cuz I have chores. NEVER-ENDING CHORES. Like mom kindly told me, when I ask her why she had to mop the floor when I've done that ytd, we need to shower every day.
While my classmates travel to places, or just hang out tgt, I stay at home and sew curtains and stuff.
I am young, w no cash but plenty o energy and enthusiasm. Therefore I stay at home? There is no sense in this. It is meaningless.




Therefore I am not satisfied.