Seriously

It's not my fault that someone in the house is never pleased w the way things turned out.
That things aren't done on time, or located at the right position, or that I have lazy siblings.
They have stopped listening to my orders or advice since they were 5 years old.


I don't care. Don't want to care that you don't like the way the house is run, because I've done my part.
If you want my help, you'd open your mouth to ask and if you didn't, I'm not handing out free help.
Not in exchange for more sharp words and blame.


I hate waking up to yells because some teenager refuses to get out of bed. I'm not responsible for what the said teenager does in the wee hours, and therefore should not be punished, because I, being a good girl, have gone to bed at a decent hour.
I'll get myself ready by the appointed hour, and will try to get my siblings ready too, but I'm not responsible for them ok? I can no longer drag them to the bathroom, stuff a toothbrush in their hand and then try to dress them.


I've been appointed to do this, this and this, and I've done them.
I cannot pretend that I like doing chores, and I especially don't see why I've to try so hard, when others living in the same house are unconcerned.

day out

... w the fam and the dear.
We had yong tau foo at Puchong before heading down to Sepang, Morib and Tanjung Sepat.
Detoured to Paya Indah Wetlands glad it was still operational, rented bikes, saw part o a hippo, some crocs, chickens, birds, geese, ducks..
Visited the mushroom emporium farm, had a shot o T.S. famous coffee, bought some fishballs.
Took a long and windy walk down the Qing Ren Qiao next to the restaurant, ate seafood till we nearly burst.
And then the hour plus drive back to Selangor and bro's mini bday celebration.

watching the sun set over Tanjung Sepat

Sometimes I think...

... they just don't care.

Had a movie outing w uni friends later today, but when I told mom, she told me in return that sis is going to have some friends over in the afternoon and that she (mom) will b busy.
If I were unsympathetic, I'd have asked..... so??
But I know mom wants me to stay at home to look after the kids, even if she didn't put in a request. So I canceled my outing.




Making some pastry to cheer myself up. Not my business if I mess up the kitchen.
And then mayb I'll do some house chores, like making lunch or ironing. Maybe.

Moody

.. I don't know why.
Besides being exhausted fr lack o good quality sleep and too much exercise.


Spent the day w my LnL buddies, laughed enough serious ROFL's to last another couple o months, went for Indian food w Kopi Ais and Teh Limau Lemon Ais.
Sigh. When I used to do that every Saturday before piano classes and before parents want me to stay at home all week.

And then met the Darling, went for a walk in KLCC.
Somehow we always have to find small openings in which we can meet. Bro's art class, group project at friend's house, that 15 mins before my parents got home fr church. Cuz somehow I don't think the muddies would like me seeing him every other day.
But I want to. And said so.
My thanks to the Darling who does not mind the traveling time and odd hours.

And then dozed on the LRT home.

Then choir practice. I believe I've been progressing. No fancy fingerwork but I'm sure God doesn't mind my simple chords.

Then home to an empty house, lots o un-ironed clothes, dirty dishes in the sink and some 7 pages o Youth Catechism to prepare.



I can't smile. Even while my jaws hurt fr laughing, or feel the pleasure o a hymn well played, I remained moody. Depressed if you'd like to call it.
Is it just a period, or am I turning into a rusty, leaky water tap?

sem break

Been spending alot o time on Google, it satisfies my curiosity =)

Ever wanted to stream a series of songs that fit your mood, but didn't want to spend too much time building your own playlist?
Musicovery works pretty well for me ^^


Desktop at home is running out o memory again. Can't even perform simple Word functions.
Tinkering around w my hard disk, trying to find some organization in the music and archi archives.
Need to clear the desktop soon, not supposed to rely on Mac for work.


Dear told me to download and try out Revit. But I've alrdy got ArchiCAD installed on both platforms, can I try that first?
Seem to recall promising myself to learn ArchiCAD two sems ago. Got as far as building my first storey. Shall I make good on my promise this break?




One week o sem break has passed. Besides going swimming last Mon and having lunch w the Wifey on Fri, haven't really accomplished much.
Come girl, do you good to have some goals:
- Learn ArchiCAD, build sem 5 final building
- Learn rendering, render sem 5 final building
- Use Illustrator/InDesign to compile portfolio/redo sem 5 final panel
- Read and review 5 archi books
- SKETCH
- Finish cross stitch project
- Archive sem 2-5 documents
- EXERCISE
- Read archi details
- Figure out filing system for work/music files
- Invite Dear for dinner
- Read books on loan fr Dear


Well! That's enough for 3 weeks methinks?
Sarah pls find your willpower before your final sem.

*muse*

Spent most o the night reading romance online. I know there's better things to do, but a girl needs her comfort days off...


I tear easily. Over all real and imagined sorrows. Not one to break down in front o friends or family, but would quietly dash the tears away. I don't like to cry, but for me it's a very practical to do at times. Releases emotional build-up, see?





Office politics are horrible stuff, worse than school politics. At least there's a common goal in school, while offices are just money-making businesses.
I cannot understand it, and it hurts me to be unable to comfort the darling. There's just nothing to be said, cuz the world is like that, take it or leave it.


At times like this I feel so young and vulnerable. While in uni I can still choose who I want to please and avoid the ones I don't want to interact with. In a few months time, I'll be entering a world where I can't hide from those I don't have a liking for. Would I be able to put on a mask, or would I continue to let my temper break at times, allowing my disdain to surface?






Although... there are the cold hard facts of the world, and there are love and comfort. I believe there is a way to bring them together, using the latter as ammunition against the former.
Which is why I never say no to a hug. It solves nothing, and probably wastes the few seconds it takes to hug, but it provides strength to continue fighting. Seriously, even by iron determination, one'd still lose a fight should they run out o ammo, true?



Then again, sarah needs more determination. Supposedly there is a way to control the feeling o "don't care"-ness, when I'd do anything, even to the extent of hurting myself, just to get what I want.
Must really work on it this sem break.
 
Starting w the workout I've been promising myself. Felt so good to be working my limbs, yesterday when I went swimming! Really, perfect coordination o body parts are one o the most satisfying accomplishments. See playing violin in an orchestra, playing volleyball and playing piano w all ten fingers. Sarah's life achievements XP







Tomorrow is a new day, and God will look after His own.
Don't know how I dare ask so much after all I've done in terms o sinning, but I have faith in Him.
That He will be ever-present in our lives and watch over us.

《野地的花》

野地的花 穿着美丽的衣裳

天空的鸟儿 从来不为生活忙

慈爱的天父 天天都看顾

他更爱世上人 为他们预备永生的路

 一切需要 天父已经都知道

若心中烦恼 让他为你除掉

慈爱的天父 天天都看顾

他是全能的主 信靠他的人真是有福

Love conquers all. This is not just a romantic one-liner k.

Goodnight world, sleep well. Dream o me k =p







*Later in the day*
A short revision on crying:
Sometimes I cry for no apparent reason. Once it's triggered, there I go.
Thrice today already, and I've yet to have lunch yet..
Thank you, dearest, for not turning away.




All the best to y'all fighters out there. You'll never fail when you've tried your best =)