I am reminded...

... o what Yying used to say: Everytime she's almost given up hope, something happens to shake her resolve.

I stayed late for a public lecture and Nic offered me a ride home.

I knew that if I refused, I'd either have to

1) ask Leysoon to wait for RapidKL w me at the bus stop, or

2) call the muddies, because

I was w Enoch and Tham2, who are overprotective in that way.

Sometimes I wonder if my mind runs on different channels, or mayb I just have some silly ego. I don't like asking for rides, unless it's obviously on the way/I'm that close w them, even if I know some ppl don't mind. It's a different story if someone offers. Not like, being offered on behalf o someone (ie "ask XX, he'll send you back"), but very simply, "I can send you back if you want?".

It's not something most ppl offer, therefore I try to depend largely on myself.

But what happened was, Nic sent me home thru the jam, and knowing full well that his house is in another direction. And best o all, he offered.

***********

"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces everytime

And I don't need no carryin' on

(Chorus)

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Chorus

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Had a bad day

Hit an all time low on bad days yesterday (day after public lecture). Won't go into details but my day went along the lines o "overcast gloomy day". And bad, really bad, cramps.

All I could do was to remind myself, if I could get thru this day, I'm awesome.

...... I'm awesome.

enlightenment

... I had that Milo McFlurry last night. Mom drove sis and I out to the drive thru to get it. Got one for bro and a sundae cone for dad. Had to hold it to the AC to prevent it from melting on the way home.

So about my enlightenment... It's about my-lil-ray-o-sunshine. Was thinking that day about how I'm NOT thinking about him... not that much anyhow. And I kinda got outta the habit o looking for him on cyberspace.

He IS a good friend... a lil like Vince, another o my classmates. We say Hi/Bye/chat about work some in class, chat a lil online, but that's all. No lingering attachments whatsoever.

I think it's time I stop kidding myself anything could happen. He's not interested (I could just tell) and (as I've been constantly saying) I'm not in love w him. So what w this crush thing?

The best case scenario was that we had more cross-cliche interactions, but I don't think that'd happen anytime soon.. Cliches just don't mix, yknw? We even sit on opposite sides of the 200-seater lecture theatre.

Smile and be brave that a crush has failed dear~

^^

congrats!

Noone has actually made an annoucement yet. Not even rumours were going around. I just had a feeling and got it confirmed by the Man himself.

Congratz dears~ That's the best I could manage becuz I've no idea what I'm supposed to say otherwise. This is not, I feel, a typical romance. You'r just "that close" huh? (Only a man can dream o trying to deny things to a girl by using that line. So lame.)

Hung out w my LnL team most o yesterday, had the usual meeting, then went for Greg's Youth gathering to help w their Taize prayer. And went for dinner/supper o Bak Kut Teh/Mutton Kut Teh (I'm serious! Lol it was yummy=p).

Boy/girl what-nots did not matter w them. You were you, she was her, he was him and I was me, w all our lil quirks. It was that simple. When together, life fades away and we let our problems lie. Except when we had our talk, then it's alright to talk about them. One reason I don't talk much w them is that there is no need, yknw?

My lil ray o sunshine has declined the invitation to LnL 2011 ='( Can't say I'm not disappointed, not becuz he's my friend but more like, I'd personally invite everyone who could go... What I've gained from camp, I want everyone to experience.. esp as we're not allowed to talk about it =p. Someone once said that what happened at LnL camps are the best kept secrets in the Catholic Church. Jk, o cuz, but yea.

I was so upset w mom these few days. Whether or not I was in the wrong she gets on my case and yknw I hate being misunderstood.

I guess I had to be nice about it cuz she' my MOM but purleez, I need respect too. My age is not only something to be thrown at me when my room is messy! Geeesh.

Before leaving the house yesterday, she got on my nerves again by daring to suggest I "better not teach/help out in sunday school next year, cuz I'm all tired out". WHO, may I ask, buries me in work and stresses me out all the time??

So at Taize I was going on about this to my Friend-from-Beyond, He asked me if I realized that my situation was similar to His? Hmm... I've never thought o it! But yea, it does make sense and I'm glad Someone understands =)

Feel like going to a shopping mall/for a Milo McFlurry/eating a Secret Recipe cake. Wonder where that craving comes from =D

the sun has gone in

Had no contact w him for a few days now, and no, I will NOT initiate contact. When the sun goes behind the clouds, I will switch on my LED lights =)

I love Saturday mornings when I have LnL faci meetings. Whatever happened during the week stays away fr that small room within St John's compound. And I am always guaranteed some smiles if not outright LOLs.

Gosh, I do love those ppl.

And I love spending time w Him-who-resides-above too! Learnt a bit about His Holy Mother and the Rosary this morn.

Will be cultivating the habit o praying the Rosary every day =)

Something Greg shared about being a faci that I agreed.. We shouldn't need something to show the world that we are ex-LnL-ers.. It WILL show through our words and actions.... supposed to anyway! I will try, very very hard, to do what he said.. to be an example for the new participants, as well as the whole world, in thoughts, words and actions.

因相爱别人认出我们是基督徒~

Oh yea! Nearly forgot to take note o interim on Thurs.

I fell asleep before finishing my work the day before but luckily my session was in the afternoon so I had time in the morn.. turns out I was about half an hour late due to printing.. for studio presentations it's considered good enough><.

Usama (my Egyptian lecturer) crit-ed me and it went okay, probably cuz my design based on a garden concept and he's my Landscape Architecture (elective) tutor... Hehe. He didn't notice the lack o toilets in my facility, nor did he ask about loading bays and trucks, which were my biggest worries, as I don't have an answer ready.

Yes, I seriously forgot about toilets till it was too late! Lol it was just a lil hard to put them in and I kept putting it off... in the end I just thought, I'll employ all guys and let them go wild in my garden... XP

Passing over toilets.. he made some suggestions that were really quite sensible, and he liked my concept and the way I executed it. And he said my 3D renderings looked good too! *Happy*

That, and the crit not saying my visual presentation sucks, were firsts for me. Wheeeee~

I love studio now. Haha even before the presentation! For once I really liked my design so it was fun working on it ^^

Some pics o my facility:

listening to SNSD!

... becuz I'm so tired from staying up till 4am to work on studio this morn XP

Gee gee gee gee baby baby

Gee gee gee gee baby baby

Have got studio interim on thurs. Have yet to finish up my plans!! Not to mention sections, elevations and 3D sketches/model.

*bangs head on table*

Sshhh... but I

... morning-called my sunshine this morn;

.... and he IM/sms-ed me first. I'm allowed to reply, yea?

I remember telling someone/someone telling me/saw this on fb:

收到他的短讯，笑笑，然后删除。

-- exactly what I'm doing now.

a lil o sensitivity

... apparently that's what 感性 is translated as. via google translate.

Just saw this on facebook and thought to note it down:

Walk with simplicity in the ways of the Lord and do not torment your spirit. You must hate your faults, but with a quiet hate, not troublesome or restless. We must be patient with them and gain from them through holy humility. Without that patience, instead of diminishing, your imperfections will increase constantly, as there that nourishes our defects like restlessness, and the haste to drive them away. -St. Padre Pio

and also to link this song.

Hillsong- At the Cross

... even when i fail you, I know You love me.

Lost dad's PDA a few days ago. Remembered taking it out o my bag in the library, then couldn't find it when I went home. Took me a few days to stop praying every single minute o my waking moments to have a miracle happen and someone returns it to me.

It's like losing my watch(es) all over again. A treasured item lost in a moment o absent-mindedness. The feeling o dread o having to admit the lost to the ppl who gave it to me w love.

I hate losing my things, esp those that are gifts from my loved ones.

Oh God, pls help me in this journey o improving my short term memory.

Read some o my older posts on this blog. Was actually surprised that it's only a year old! Thought I've been blogging here for ages.

Things are fine. I'm fine and my work is alright. Family and friends safe. What more can I ask for?

Saw this post in which I thanked God for everyone around me. I've not been offering enough thanks to You, but I was just not in the mood for thanksgiving after the loss o my stuff, yknow?

But I can sincerely say this:

Thanks

for my lil ray o sunshine. He's not mine, but thanks for having him bring some smiles to my life;

for my family w whom I had a great dinner w just last night;

for my besties and friends, for being there;

for the perseverance in finishing my work in time for submission just now.

I'll try to submit more to Your will... I surrender all, ya?

I need a hug.

But in the meantime, I will continue to be strong.... or at least try to.

I can give myself hugs, so there.

okayy......

..... let's not make it a habit.

It was around 7 (ie still bright enough outside) and I was already sitting at the bus stop when he texted to ask if I need a ride.

I didn't NEED a ride per se... I just wanted one. Having just confirmed the loss o a treasured item, I was secretly tearing at the bus stop. If left to my desolate thoughts I would've been thoroughly miserable by the time I got home.

Against my better judgement, I accepted the ride from him and again had my lil ray o sunshine chat w me through the jam.

同样的故事 不同的主角 不断的上演 我还在这里 乐此不疲地听着-- Yying

Same story, different leads. This is so true.

This story is achingly familiar. Just 18 months ago I was blogging bout the exact same scenario w the ex.

Just now, Yying told me to enjoy every moment before I fall. To which I replied that I'm gnna be a 不倒翁 (roly-poly/tumbler? via google translate), never to fall! ..... if only that was achievable.

I've been telling ppl left right centre that one o the most obvious impact o my time in LnL was breaking up w the ex. Not only the fact that (I feel) that he can't measure up to my fellow LnL-ers, but also because I didn't consult Papa-in-Heaven before getting into that relationship.

I'm not going to make the same mistake! Even if rumours start going around again (which they already did, 姐夫 gave me the 3rd degree yesterday), even if I can't help liking the guy... I'm gnna pay much attention to what He says.

Again, it's out o my control, but I enjoy his company.

Thank you, Papa, for this friend.

ps I'm glad that he "enjoyed my company in return for that long drive" << his words

*giggles*

.... downloading Adium (instant msging platform) cuz Microsoft Messenger:Mac keeps signing me off.

Guess who sent me home today?

It's.............. my very own lil ray o sunshine!

I didn't plan it. Was just soooo tired after studio + it was dark outside, couldn't think o who else to call.. My usual hangout buddies have long since gone home and Tham2, Enoch and friends are still in Bangkok.

Guess I could've called my muddies, but I didn't wnna bother them, esp as I've just lost my dad's PDA... but that's another story.

So anyway I begged a ride from him and he sent me home thru d LDP jam.

How nice o him =)

I liked talking w him. It's fun and it makes me happy, even when we're talking bout serious stuff like public transport/waiting time.

Even Huiwei (class buddy) has to ask "which guy"! Nonono, ppl whom I don't mention more than twice is not worth knowing about.

Well if you insist ><.

As o now, ppl you should know= Guy-who-asked-me-on-date and My-lil-ray-o-sunshine.

Keeping up?