girls are weird

or mayb that's just me.
just bout 4 hours ago i mentioned d end o my relationship and a word o caution to myself to b careful bout future relationships...
and now im thinking...

i dont think he understands what im trying to tell him,
that i chose to stop this becuz o d fact that we'r not friends.
we could b great bf/gf, but if we werent friends to start w...
things would not work out.
that's why i wanted us to go back to learning to b friends.

he thinks that d reason is that i dont like him no more.
oh, so now i start double negative-ing.


i still do like being w him..
not so sure bout d "liking him as a person" part, but it feels nice when we'r together. like talking over lunch or whtever.

but i guess it's unforgivable to continue expecting him to reply promptly to my IMs,
calling him when i feel down,
or asking him to wake me up.
...... until such day that i ask d same curtesy o all (or most, or even some) o my other friends.

huiwei always tells me, it's ok to feel sad bout it, but i should never regret my decisions.
therefore i should stick to my decision to b FRIENDS.

really you must, sarah.

19 posts

i didnt know i blogged so much here.
time does fly, doesnt it?

things are settling down, w me learning how to b 20 XP (just in time for my 20th post^^)
somehow i think i need to think differently now.

new year, new bf mayb?
or even new single life. i dont really care right now...
not to b so dramatic to say that ive been scared off or scarred for life fr this experience.. but ive really learnt a lot o stuff tht noone tells you about.
gnna b more careful in my future relationships...



one thing i know ive GTTA learn this year
and that's my peoples skills.
besides this thing ive only just noticed, that i ONLY hang around my gang, and noone else,
im really tired o being refered to as "shy, sweet sarah".
being sweet is nice, but is that all i AM?
gdness.
sometimes i'd rather b teased or joked about than to b politely accepted.
so not fun.

and also to take on more responsibilities.
all through my high sch life ive had duties like being a prefect, committee member, editor etc,
as well as some church stuff, choir and all,
but ive never really TAKEN ON anything.
this year i'd b playing solo piano and teaching ssch (in church) alone. no more "assistant teacher" for me!
in addition, sometimes when circumstances require, ive just gtta stand up and take d lead in sch... to order and not to take orders... and to take d fall when mistakes happen...

therefore:
in this year 2011
sarah is going to learn to become a friendly, responsible, and truthful girl.


well.
i think tht's enough to get by =)


just a passing thought.
yknw sophie kinsella's (kinda) new book, twenties girl?
i got tht for christmas, and i was surprised that it's NOT about being in my twenties. lol~

uh oh

now that ive moved my spaces blog to wordpress (finally!)
im actually beginning to consider combining both my blogs.
as in, closing this one and blogging in both english and chinese at wordpress.
must b d new atmosphere there.
or im feeling lazy about updating at 2 places.

should i? ive gotten so used to having separate blogs to express separate sides ("english" and "chinese") o sarah.
like i couldnt, for some reason, think d same way in different languages.

giving this some serious thought......

NO WAY

i dont want to talk or chat to him on msn, facebook, thru sms or face to face.
i dont even want to look, see or hear him, virtually or physically.
until such time he understands that im no longer his gf.


i mean it.





there is a limit to endurance after a breakup and this is IT.




although i feel guilty for "ditching" him,
no amount o guilt is going let me run to his every beck and call.
i dont need to cater for his feelings beyond those o normal friends.
i do NOT need to feel bad about myself for not paying as much as attention to him as before.
oh pls, that is d WHOLE POINT o breaking up, aint it?

more o self-comfort

im under stress.
really i am.

but who actually admits that?!??





i like sketching and ive produced some "not bad" sketches this week.
at least one can actually recognize what i draw!
but i do get depressed when i look up and realize how far behind i still am.



i want to learn and practice my AutoCad drawings.
d only way to do that is to go on Cad-ing everything i can get my hands on.
but what if d whole group is waiting for me to produce d drawings?


i need to practice my piano in time for next sunday's mass.
im really a disgrace to d Grd 8 merit for taking so much time to learn one song.
but every moment not used to sketch or to Cad is filled w guilt.


ive got a S.Sch lesson to prepare for my std 5 class whom i'd b meeting for d first time this sunday.
ive not even openned my textbk yet.
but likewise d excuse above, i keep putting it off.




i admit that im a coward.
i do not dare to face my ex/boy/friend ive just turned down after half a year.
esp becuz im not crushed by d breaking up.
i go on smiling, laughing, talking and eating like before.
just not reading his msges or thinking bout d things we did together.
even if he's not d right guy, everything he's done for me should count for something.





i actually hav a tutorial session for my sketches for d past hour.
i just.......... need time to b alone.. to type and to say a prayer.