But I didn't

... start w Tawau. In a hopeless mood for most of the day, unable to keep my mind on anything useful. My room's a mess and I need to pack/check out accommodation/look up visa requirements/practice piano for mass tmr/read/watch dramas.. But I'm just lying in bed staring at my table.

Was out w ze Dear for some hours in the afternoon, went to get books for his bro and some flip flops for myself. It was a relaxing day out, and I didn't even have to yell at him to keep his eyes on me instead of his phone. Yet all I wanted was to comfort eat (chocolate donuts!), hug him and cry. 

Don't mind me ppl, just lemme curl up and cry. There is always the possibility of a better day tmr. 

This is not good

... not good at all. How did my blog posts dwindle from 50 a year to 15 in the past year??! I love writing. I love talking nonsense to myself on the computer.. don't I?
Writing is therapeutic. It calms the soul, releases stress, trains finger-eye coordination and what-nots. WHY AM I NOT WRITING?? Explains the mess my 2013 was *shrug*
Guess it's thanks to a friend who wanted to read my blog that I realized that I needed to start writing again.

So.. abit of analyzing.. Why did I not write? The easiest explanation being... Work w the capital W. Being an assistant architect means that I sit at my desk for a minimum of 8 hours a day and CAD. What happened to blogging while working like I always do, I hear you ask? Office has blocked blogsites, Facebook and Youtube. Don't ask. But yea.. By the time I get home, I'm fed up of computers, keyboards and the screen, therefore my Macbook has been spending many lonely nights *there there my dear, I still love you*

Well. Now that I'm going back to school I will be blogging again! Hopefully. Will start w the post on Tawau as I promised... way back in 2012. *fingers crossed*







Btw ppl, le blog is now open to the public but not searchable by search engines. Tentative first step. 

To do

To do for today:
1. Translation- Rite of Commisioning- DONE!
2. Portfolio- at least the first 10 pages
- colour/brush up sem 5 & 6 plan, elevations, sections
- office stuff- get latest fr office!
- landscape archi, measured drawings, models, sketches
- renderings o sem 5 & 6- photoshop site?
3. Recommendation letter
4. Banting Plaza- trace plan- Thank you Dear for helping me
5. Print and fill up application forms- check finalized uni list

Shock

It was just a normal night out. Went for dinner, found it was early so detoured to ATM. And then it all happened in a split second. Or rather, I saw it coming but was too chicken to watch. A sharp pain in my ankle (no biggie just a twinge). Then the negotiations in the rain. How I wish I could climb out o the car to hold an umbrella over the men. A slow drive home, stopping by the petrol station to check on damage, and a whispered "don't worry" as I got out. 

How not to worry, he asked? I don't know either. We were young adults, barely able to save just part o our meagre salaries for a rainy day. This does qualify, but what about all the needs and wants that were in queue to be addressed? Electronics, physical comfort, more savings for rainy days. 

I lied. 

Just below the surface I'm quivering in fear. There was no space in my diary for a mistake like this. Already our agenda is full, not just for money but for all other hopes and dreams and aspirations. 

But curl up in a ball to cry I will not. Well maybe I could indulge in some tearing, but there is not time to break down. For my dear and for myself, I must be strong. 

Ps All the while the men were talking, I did not dare leave the car for fear o... Something. Robbery maybe. I had two options, to cry, and noone will blame me for it, or to pray. I prayed for courage, for humility, safety (better late then never), and in thanksgiving. It could've been worse. As it is the impact jolted me enough to make a heart stopping impression, and to think o all the local car jokes, I'm glad we were kept safe physically. 

A reminder

He said he wanted a lady, thought he was getting a halfway decent one, and my heart splintered just a little bit. A reminder perhaps. 

Tired

Things are speeding up these days.  Work is piling up like no tmr, both muddies are nagging me every day to do more chores, body has given up for a day or two and now on a crawl to recovery.. Life is intense. Serves me right for letting my guard down over the (long) Raya weekend. 

Keeping track o my days in my mini journal, enough to jot my feelings and accomplishments each day, and also my finances, using a phone app. Next up I guess would b my spiritual journey but I'm just too exhausted each day to make an effort. Wrong way to look at it but yknow how that happens. 

Been reading a lot since I got a smartphone. Last weekend I decided to take a break fr all the ebooks I'm reading (strains eyes, I know) and visited Book Xcess at Amcorp Mall w ze family. Bro and sis bought a book each, but I don't think they've mastered the knack o choosing books fast, like I do.. Anyway got myself 2 Marian Keyes, one o which I thought I'd pass on to my cousin in Taiwan. Good study on English and how to use it, as well as a LOL read for any young lady. 

Just a quick update while lying in bed. Yes smartphones are addictive. A short thanksgiving prayer for all that had come to pass today and my friends and family who have stood by me, and for strength and peace to face a brand new day tmr. 

Goodnight all, sleep well. 

Date

Just informed mom bout my schedule for tmr and her comment was, why make yourself so tired?? Wait a mo.. that sounds familiar.
Seems like a return o my senior high/early uni days where I'd stuff my daily schedule, even running up and down KL/Sunway in one day.

Be meeting up w the Wifeys for our yearly reunion. I am determined not to change plans, or let anything else intrude on this precious gathering, but as usual things happen. First it was sis' ballet concert which I felt was my elder sisterly duty to attend, then mom's bday lunch which I couldn't miss (got off this cuz restaurant was fully booked), and weekly date w J (rearranged to early morn). For a non-perfectionist, I sure do try very hard to make my days, and my dates w the ppl around me, perfect. Not so much perfection left for myself, eh?

Been a month since my last post. Let's see.. what happened in July?
Major update would be getting my iphone 5 and going to Tawau for a short trip.
The phone is performing well, I'm happily using apps to simplify (?) my life. No complaints so far.
Tawau.. was good. Truth is I spent less than 24 hours in the town but it was a happy 3 days away from home. I'll challenge myself to writing a post entirely about my trip.

Work is as usual, nothing exciting lately, which translate to no OT. While productivity and learning progress are slow, I'm enjoying this brief period o calm. Storm coming soon I suspect.
Have started telling ppl that I "design toilets" when they ask what I'm doing lately. It's funny, easy to explain, and is actually the truth, although the word "design" always makes things sound alot more glamorous than it is. I move the sanitarywares around and lay the tiles. No biggie.

Things w the bf is.. alil rocky. But it is to be expected, w both o us working hard and minimal contact throughout the week. Still having faith in holding on.