To do

To do for today:
1. Translation- Rite of Commisioning- DONE!
2. Portfolio- at least the first 10 pages
- colour/brush up sem 5 & 6 plan, elevations, sections
- office stuff- get latest fr office!
- landscape archi, measured drawings, models, sketches
- renderings o sem 5 & 6- photoshop site?
3. Recommendation letter
4. Banting Plaza- trace plan- Thank you Dear for helping me
5. Print and fill up application forms- check finalized uni list

Shock

It was just a normal night out. Went for dinner, found it was early so detoured to ATM. And then it all happened in a split second. Or rather, I saw it coming but was too chicken to watch. A sharp pain in my ankle (no biggie just a twinge). Then the negotiations in the rain. How I wish I could climb out o the car to hold an umbrella over the men. A slow drive home, stopping by the petrol station to check on damage, and a whispered "don't worry" as I got out. 

How not to worry, he asked? I don't know either. We were young adults, barely able to save just part o our meagre salaries for a rainy day. This does qualify, but what about all the needs and wants that were in queue to be addressed? Electronics, physical comfort, more savings for rainy days. 

I lied. 

Just below the surface I'm quivering in fear. There was no space in my diary for a mistake like this. Already our agenda is full, not just for money but for all other hopes and dreams and aspirations. 

But curl up in a ball to cry I will not. Well maybe I could indulge in some tearing, but there is not time to break down. For my dear and for myself, I must be strong. 

Ps All the while the men were talking, I did not dare leave the car for fear o... Something. Robbery maybe. I had two options, to cry, and noone will blame me for it, or to pray. I prayed for courage, for humility, safety (better late then never), and in thanksgiving. It could've been worse. As it is the impact jolted me enough to make a heart stopping impression, and to think o all the local car jokes, I'm glad we were kept safe physically. 

A reminder

He said he wanted a lady, thought he was getting a halfway decent one, and my heart splintered just a little bit. A reminder perhaps. 

Tired

Things are speeding up these days.  Work is piling up like no tmr, both muddies are nagging me every day to do more chores, body has given up for a day or two and now on a crawl to recovery.. Life is intense. Serves me right for letting my guard down over the (long) Raya weekend. 

Keeping track o my days in my mini journal, enough to jot my feelings and accomplishments each day, and also my finances, using a phone app. Next up I guess would b my spiritual journey but I'm just too exhausted each day to make an effort. Wrong way to look at it but yknow how that happens. 

Been reading a lot since I got a smartphone. Last weekend I decided to take a break fr all the ebooks I'm reading (strains eyes, I know) and visited Book Xcess at Amcorp Mall w ze family. Bro and sis bought a book each, but I don't think they've mastered the knack o choosing books fast, like I do.. Anyway got myself 2 Marian Keyes, one o which I thought I'd pass on to my cousin in Taiwan. Good study on English and how to use it, as well as a LOL read for any young lady. 

Just a quick update while lying in bed. Yes smartphones are addictive. A short thanksgiving prayer for all that had come to pass today and my friends and family who have stood by me, and for strength and peace to face a brand new day tmr. 

Goodnight all, sleep well. 

Date

Just informed mom bout my schedule for tmr and her comment was, why make yourself so tired?? Wait a mo.. that sounds familiar.
Seems like a return o my senior high/early uni days where I'd stuff my daily schedule, even running up and down KL/Sunway in one day.

Be meeting up w the Wifeys for our yearly reunion. I am determined not to change plans, or let anything else intrude on this precious gathering, but as usual things happen. First it was sis' ballet concert which I felt was my elder sisterly duty to attend, then mom's bday lunch which I couldn't miss (got off this cuz restaurant was fully booked), and weekly date w J (rearranged to early morn). For a non-perfectionist, I sure do try very hard to make my days, and my dates w the ppl around me, perfect. Not so much perfection left for myself, eh?

Been a month since my last post. Let's see.. what happened in July?
Major update would be getting my iphone 5 and going to Tawau for a short trip.
The phone is performing well, I'm happily using apps to simplify (?) my life. No complaints so far.
Tawau.. was good. Truth is I spent less than 24 hours in the town but it was a happy 3 days away from home. I'll challenge myself to writing a post entirely about my trip.

Work is as usual, nothing exciting lately, which translate to no OT. While productivity and learning progress are slow, I'm enjoying this brief period o calm. Storm coming soon I suspect.
Have started telling ppl that I "design toilets" when they ask what I'm doing lately. It's funny, easy to explain, and is actually the truth, although the word "design" always makes things sound alot more glamorous than it is. I move the sanitarywares around and lay the tiles. No biggie.

Things w the bf is.. alil rocky. But it is to be expected, w both o us working hard and minimal contact throughout the week. Still having faith in holding on.

smartphone debate

Lately been plagued w an obsessive bug. I get "all about" something, and go at it incessantly. I often find myself too deep and struggling to get out. Like that time I was caught up w designing bathrooms and looked at images/sketched all day for days and got vertigo when I stood up to go home after work.


So tonight the bug was about smartphones. I just had to make a decision on which phone to get, right now, regardless o my current bank balance and the previous decision to leave the actual buying till fall which is when usually the phones get a turnover and the prices all change drop. Stupid, I know, but I just couldn't let it go.


After much reading and deliberating and more thinking and frankly just boring the Dear w my constant indecision, I've finally decided to drop the Windows Phone HTC 8x and go w the Plan B iphone. Reasons being a "not there yet" OS and the lack o apps I don't think I'm much o an app person but well my closest men are using iphones and I figured I could share paid apps.

Then came the question o which model? At the moment only a used iphone 4s is w/in my budget but come fall (or whenever Apple release the latest iphone 5s/6), I suppose the price would drop for the iphone 5, hopefully to my budget range. And w the high from a pre-bed Old Town White Coffee 3 in 1, I carried out more deliberation and thinking and ended up deciding to hold out for the discounted iphone 5.


Now I'm exhausted, but the bug has finally been laid to rest. I can sleep easy knowing my decision is made and I will not be reading smartphone reviews anymore. Yay *said in a very weary tone from my bed*

updates

Here's to reconnecting w my writing self. I fear that in this era o"spill every single thought on social media", I have chosen to "don't say a word to anyone anywhere",  I will one day explode.


Had a short talk w Dear, and wrote an email to Ying2 regarding uni research/decisions. Yes it's once again time to research Masters of Architecture.
I've been putting it off for a long time, taking work experience as a "way out" o making immediate decisions. But as I get settled into the routine o working, the clock continues to tick, counting down the time till I've to get my bum back into the crazy archi life.

I enjoy architecture, I really do. Never was a "design enthusiast", but I find matching people w spaces, especially seen in my current job o (helping senior architects) in designing bungalows, very satisfying. I just don't particularly enjoy working day and night, w/o rest, day after day. Back in high school, Yying commented that we were both achievers in different ways, she in her event planning and execution, over w/in weeks, and me in my prefect duties/volleyball team, training and going bout routine all year round. Personality comes into play too, I guess. Perfectionist I am not, and will not be, but it doesn't mean I do not admire or aspire to create beauty. I just have my own imperfect way o looking at things. Much to be learnt #Ineverseemtobereadyfortheworld



Now that twitter joined the conversation (me w myself, eavesdrop if you like), I would like to make a small confession. I've always tried not to want something too much. I do not wish for, or hope for things. Not wanting was a habit perfected over the years to squash feelings o disappointment. I also avoid mainstream thoughts and actions that creates chances for competition, again to avoid disappointment should I lose the (unseen not discussed but very much present) competition. So it came as a surprise, even to myself, that I decided I wanted a smartphone. Out o the blue I find myself dissatisfied w my current Nokia, and wanted a change. It's a surprise, because I've always believed that internet and games should not be w us 24/7. I'd love to bring ebooks around, or have a small camera/gps I could carry in my pocket, but a smartphone is more trouble than it's worth. Is this a sign o trying to "keep up w the crowd", or "it's necessity", or simply "I covert (want)"? Sigh.