musings

Did I mention I got all my official procedures (student ID, bank account, phone line, transportation card, etc) done, took the bus to town to buy groceries then cooked dinner, all by myself, in a single day (yesterday)? And today I visited the libraries, borrowed books, had (my very own homemade) packed lunch under a tree, made my way around campus without getting lost too many times, found a different supermarket and visited another shopping centre two bus rides away. Even challenged myself to make my way home after dark. Feeling just a little proud of myself.

Does that mean I've settled down? Unfortunately not yet. Still trying to get used to the weather (HOT), the daylight hours (6am-6pm), the food (tap water, seriously? .... no offense mate), and living out of a suitcase. Oh and the lack of internet, not that it bothers me (cough).

When speaking of “two years” it sounds really, really long, despite everyone “reassuring” me that it'd pass in the blink of an eye. I've blinked my eyes repeatedly and it's still half past nine on my third night. Then in a bout of depression I wrote about crossing off days till Saturday while I was staying in my high school hostel. I suppose I could read a page of my bible every day, by which I would have finished the bible when it ends. A little tragic given the thickness of the bible. Or maybe I have gone round it the wrong way. Counting forward instead of backwards maybe? It is now... day 3.......*awkward silence*

I guess no amount of preparation or knowledge can stop the beginnings from being tough. I know, logically, that when I've made more social connections and when coursework starts to pile up, I would stop noticing the passing of time (it's seen in half hours now people). For now, late at night when the shops are closed and streets deserted, I shall continue monolouging with myself and reading storybooks and/or watching movies/tv series on my laptop.

Cheerio!

ysm

Written on 

20140220 9:50pm

Today I...

... shouted at my brother and got into a fight w him. 

I also tried and failed to highlight my hair.

Had breakfast w mom and an old family friend.  

Had an old high school chum over all day. 

Admitted to myself that I'm more scared of failing than I thought. 

And finally found out what flappy bird is about (next year I'd be wondering if this craze really did happen but yea for the moment everyone seems to have caught the fever. Candy crush anyone?)

But the upmost thing on my mind is that I yelled at my bro. Cuz darnit my throat hurts real bad >=(

Sick

It's the morning of the second day of CNY and I'm trying to clear my nose so I can sleep. I might've been able to live w a blocked nose, but a constantly overflowing nose is just too much. 

Have been down w some sort o weird flu/dust allergy since the day before. I am constantly sneezing, or trying to sneeze, and the funny thing is, what comes out is clear and watery, and never seems to end. My nose is rubbed raw from all the nose wiping and I've developed a headache. 

Am otherwise very healthy. Enjoyed playing cards and mahjong w my cousins and siblings and also eating all the cookies and cakes sitting there w my name on them. 

I am thankful for what I have, Lord, but pls do grant me health soon. Not at my best lately. 

Countdown

... hit me particularly hard cuz everyone is back for CNY and they all asked the same questions, where, when, how long? And don't you wonder which is harder to respond to, "bring back Aussie bf okay", or "your bf how ar, LDR very hard de wor"?

I don't exactly believe in LDR, despite the living examples o my own parents. But I'd still like to try. And trust God to bring us through it. I comfort myself w this, which has become my mantra, if we can get through this, we can get through anything. 

Am struggling to finish packing every day. And dealing w research on accommodations and things-that-make-my-life-easier-ie-phone-plans. It's a new world out there, where I will not have anything familiar w me aside from what I bring w me. See why I find it hard to pack?

And yes, I do remember that in moving away from home, there is a chance that I do not move back. Who knows where my next step takes me? It's the time in life when you change and move on. I will miss my old life, being a child and being taken care of. 

While I did discuss living plans w my parents, they were concerned about whether I have a washing machine or whether the kitchen comes w pots and pans. That's their questions to ask. 

I wonder if I can survive without an ensuite bathroom, or how my housemates are like, what kind of image do I want to project, and I worry about how much of my old life to bring to the new. Again, each to his own. 

Don't I want to come home, asks sis regarding my plan to not to come back till I graduate.  

I don't know yet. 

Let me be Your clay Lord, and mold me in the way You want. May my life be a reflection on Your glory, that all I do be in Your Name. 

Even as I worry and cry and think and cry, I try to tell myself this, God is w me. I'll do my part and He'd do his. And it will all happen according to His will and not mine. 

Nope, no tears

Last day of work today. Walked in 9.25am, sorted my files, answered questions, pretended not to notice preparation for farewell lunch, KFC and pizza in meeting room, departure of bosses. 

Brainstormed, packed, chatted w colleagues, left office en masse, drove to Artisan for coffee. 

More photos, farewells then "1+1+1+1" movie at Tropicana City Mall. Don't watch I, Frankenstein, seriously. Only saving grace being the presence of gargoyles and Gothic cathedrals. 

Wrote the last paragraph and dotted my last sentence of the chapter with a flourish. No tears. My reflections and regrets will come in the epilogue. 

My new book will be coming soon, in slightly more than 2 weeks. Frantically trying to finish writing this one so that I have my ending. Have outgrown my perfect cadence, happily looking forward to my plagal. 

Day of Hibernation

.... just practice for winter when I eventually get there.


I made two trips downstairs today, once for lunch and another for dinner. Never went past the front door at all.
I had plans for today, including the usual church, dating and baking. Thought of baking cookies for office for my farewell gift.


Instead I stayed in bed, sketching when I felt like it, and reading, and dozing.
Had a killer o a headache earlier in the afternoon which turned practically savage after a nap. Fever from lack o hydration and possibly stress/worry/notenoughqualitysleep. Whatever.



Had a long day out ytd, Love & Life meetup in the morning, usual banana leaf lunch and then a wild disconnected trip to Azam's place. I meant I spent over 2 hours, waiting by the road and then getting misdirected by Waze in transit. Had fun anyway, it's been too long since we actually spoke more than hi/bye and almost a year since we last caught up w class gossip. Will we meet again?


I remember being in one o my first group projects in uni year 1, and we had to make a scaled model of an installation. We were one Sabahan, Sarawakian, Sri Lankan, French and finally le local. Now years later, we can laugh over having spent days and days rolling up strips o paper (making this miniature cylinder) to string up and then realizing that we could've just gotten BEADS.

Also memories of being out shopping w a groupmate and walking into Gei Dak Sek (Chinese dessert shop) at ss2 and asking if the noodles contain pork. Lady was like, duh?! Ended up being vegetarian for the day. 

Musings of the day. 

26/1/14, Sarah Magdalene. 

What's the feeling?

.... the kind that comes to you only at night when you're lying in bed telling yourself you have exactly 8 hours to sleep. So fall asleep Sarah. Now. Sleep. But sleep doesn't come and the feeling does. 

Have recovered somewhat from my lil bout of emo, though not completely. I still have things on my mind. Not entirely happy just yet. 

Thank you my Dear for picking me up after dinner and sending me to the mall just to get my stuff. And being patient when I realised I forgot my card (bad Sarah 😠). A little shopping at Tesco and then dessert. Only because I insisted. For being the most indulgent bf ever. Love these impromptu dates. Makes my heart all fuzzy when he says, where you, I come over now can? <33

Researched accommodation today. And packed a little more. Got into disagreement w dad over Baobei. I assure you, bringing panda is not a sign o immaturity. Pls don't be prejudiced against him just because he's a soft toy. I want him w me because he's a piece of home, geddit? It's not my first time away from home (6 years in high sch hostel remember?) and I know homesickness can hit real hard just when you think you're old and mature enough to handle it. Who are you to deny me something to hold on to in a foreign land? I'll find a way to pack him in. Totally. 

Sigh. There goes le tears again. 6 days to end of work. 30 days or less to arriving at my new life. Where there will be noone to wipe my tears for me. Asking me not to cry is futile. I would definitely cry. Just praying God will get me through it like He does in everything else. 

Just get me through a day at a time, ok God?